You chose a pastime, and you stuck with it. You chose a love life, and you tossed it aside. You poured your heart out so long ago that there’s nothing left anymore. You took a small piece of my dignity. You destroyed most of my spirit and faith. How often do you think about the consequences of your selfish decisions? And when you do, how much do you care? I never asked you to explain your actions, and I no longer want you in my life. I only wonder what you’re thinking about when you’re cheating your way onto everyone’s good sides. Fuck your self esteem and fuck your accomplishments. A good man wouldn’t lie to his best friends. When you’re down and when you’re left all alone, the only thing you’ll have left are reminders are what could have been. The worst part is I gave you everything. Now all I’ve got left are reminders of the things I should never have done.

can’t handle the promises you made

because you never mean a word you say

You’re set with an automatic response to practically everything.
Your apathy is upsetting
But we’ve already gone over this.
There’s a point we’ve reached where there’s
nothing else to say
at least you like to think that way.
You like me to think the truths you’ve handed me are the only ones
but your omissions are still piling up right in front of me.
I’ve been naive before
but I’m starting to learn from my mistakes
to read between the lines
I’ve got nothing left at stake
and you’re not fooling me any longer
You’re terrible at covering up your lies.

Twenty miles from your grave and I can see the coast.
For nowhere near the first time, I can feel your ghost.
Too bad this is not something I’ll grow out of.
not that I would ever want to forget you, but almost a year
has passed and the idea of your never coming back is just as difficult to grasp.

I disagree with your faith in me. You think I’ve got myself together, but I’m falling apart at the seams. I don’t want to tell you, but I want you to know.
I’m desperate and pathetic, and it has everything to do with you.
I’m not sure if I wish we’d never met or just that I’d seen you in a different light.
Now it comes down to never wanting this with anyone else.
When I feel lonely, I want to be alone.
I can only give happiness a temporary home.
I’ve broken down, and everything seeps right through me.

I write you letters in the form of songs. I regret most things I’ll never tell you to your face. I feel like anything I say just wouldn’t sound as heartfelt as it should. I don’t want to lead you back down the road that brought us here. If you wanted a guilt trip, you would have asked for one. You say the things I want to hear, but the meaning behind them is something different. You have no idea the things I would do to make you change your mind.

I hate you. I can’t even act like a rational being because of you. 

We walked against the light

they called us fools

we sought out a new system

Another day

a lesser fight

Not afraid to open our eyes

We’d rather be blinded than walk through a wasteland

I found an easy way to destroy my insides

so I can never go back to where I feel most comfortable wearing myself down

I’ve got to believe it’s not the only way to keep myself occupied.

The relief is gone and now it’s nothing but pain.

I put too much trust in myself and strength of mind.

I failed.

so I ask for help because I need it.

When it looks like my end is near

and these nightmares won’t cease to wake me up in fear

when my teeth feel cold in heat

when my body shakes my hands are covered in sweat

I need constant stimulation or I’ll break.

You never held back from saying things you didn’t mean.

Now I never know what to believe.

There’s a thin line between hoping for and being sure.

There’s not much worse than having your worth stripped away.